Our Spot (Star Trek: DS9 Vs. Hamilton) #Hamiltrek

This one definitely started because Garak is too close to Hercules Mulligan to be ignored.

DS9 vs. Hamilton: Our Spot

[BASHIR]

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

You know like Bajor’s a planet

Our veins are full of granite

And we’re not giving away our spot

Got a Starfleet scholarship to Space College

I might seem to brag, and dag, Miles would slyly admonish

The problem is I got eugenic brains but no polish

My diagnoses sometimes absurd,

But with ev’ry word, I drop knowledge!

In a vacuum I’m a star, a twinkling piece of light

Tryin’ to make things right, my power is flight, and I’m out of sight

Only 29 but my mind’s augmented

These Gamma Quadrant guys, demented, I sent it

Ev’ry burden, ev’ry disadvantage

New genes helped me manage, got my hypospray to brandish

No gagh- though I’m famished

The plan is to land this dart into a game

In space it’s always dark so let me spell out my name

I am the –

[BASHIR/SISKO/GARAK/O’BRIEN]

J-U-L-I-A-N B

Bashir, I’m here, meant to be

[BASHIR]

In deep space we’d run independently

But the Founders keep pounding on us endlessly

Essentially, they shapeshift relentlessly

Jem Hadar saying life equals victory

They ain’t never going to set their attendants free

So I will get them off the White, end their dependency

Enter me!

[O’BRIEN/GARAK/SISKO]

(He says in parentheses)

[BASHIR]

Don’t be shocked when your hist’ry PADD mentions me

I will crunch all the numbers to set us free

Eventually, if I’d just leave the holosuite

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

You know I’d just hate to pass ya

Light years beyond Cardassia

                                                      But we’re not giving away our spot

[BASHIR/GARAK/O’BRIEN/SISKO]

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

Try to oppress us like Bajor

We’ll throw a giant rager

But we’re not throwing away our spot

Quark, bring a round of shots!

[O’BRIEN]

I dream of life that’s like a fine whiskey

These machines’ unrest will be the death of me

Death of me? Which of me? Clone me, or prison me?

When I fight, I make the writers all torture me

With my-

[BASHIR/GARAK/O’BRIEN/SISKO]

Shot!

[GARAK]

Yo I’m a tailor Cardassian

And I’ll tell the truth, an artful lie is my passion

I’m joining the rebellion cuz I know it’s my chance

To socially advance, instead of sewing some pants

I’ll take a rootbeer –

[BASHIR/GARAK/O’BRIEN/SISKO]

Shot!

[SISKO]

But we’ll never be truly free

‘Til we’re far beyond the stars and get past race inequality

Emissar’ with no hair - wait till I happen in

I’m what’s happenin’, scene-chewin’ hot black captain

Have another –

[BASHIR/GARAK/O’BRIEN/SISKO]

Shot!

[ODO]

Geniuses, check that tricorder

You know that the world’s in need of some kind of order

I’m with you, but your ears, like Quark’s, should be taut:

Don’t want your remains to get bought?

If you talk, you’ll get a phaser shot!

[BASHIR]

Odo, this isn’t Dom Jot

Mister O’Brien, you’re the best friend I got

Garak, your pants look hot

Sisko, your baseball I’ve caught

Let’s hatch a plot with more clones than Weyoun, Vorta or not

The wormhole gods, what odds, would funnel us to this spot

Robbin’ the Prophets of their timeless wisdom, like it or not

A bunch of merry Emissary Federation space opinionists?

Give me ammunition, show me where the damn Dominion is!

Oh, am I talkin’ too loud?

Sometimes I get over excited, shoot off at the mouth

I never had a group of friends before!

I promise that I’m not that odd

[SISKO]

Let’s get this guy on the promenade!

[BASHIR/GARAK/O’BRIEN/SISKO]

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

Hey yo we’re tryin’ to have fun here

But Section 31’s here

Still we’re not giving away our spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

We’ve got nine lives like a Trill

It’s a symbiotic thrill

And we are not giving away our spot!

Everybody say - Whoa…

Morn, let ‘em hear ya – let’s go

........

I say shout it to the pylons

Said to the pylons

Come on

Come on - Let’s go

[SISKO with KIRA backup]

Rise up!

When Cardassia takes your home you rise up

Knowing you’re not alone you rise up

Bless the orb on its throne and you rise up

Faith thrown to the unknown you rise up

Faith thrown to the unknown you rise up

Faith thrown to the unknown you rise up

Pah-wraiths groan but you’re stone you rise up

Rise up

[BASHIR]

I try saving lives so much, it’s a repeated melody

Will life-saving save me?

Can I sleep? With what they have made of me?

With my dad in prison and this schism of what I could be

It’s the curse of an eidetic memory

See, I thought discovery’d just end me

A facility’s where they’d just send me

Ask anybody- why I chose this path and I laugh, show you a graph

I have to make redemption last, that’s plenty

Scratch that

This is not just personal improvement

When even Romulans stand with us

Our last-stand movement

Guls oppose us, we take a moral stand

We roll like Cochrane, first contact in our hand

And? With Federation independence?

Is that a guarantee the quadrant’s free of menace?

Or will the bloodwine we drink, think Klingons’ endless

Cycle of vengeance, Sto’Vo’Kor for our descendants?

I know that clashin’ with Cardassians’ excitin’

But, people, between all the blastin’ and fightin’

Shuttles crashin’, it’s frightnin’

We need to really see our casualty inflation

Are we a nation in space? Where’s the space in our station?

I’m past patients and medics, fast losing patience

Station fights with Guls and Vedeks

Put in traction this task of creation

A casual tease, this place of casualties and sorrow

There’s no sunrise but please think of tomorrow, and

[EVERYONE]

DS9 won’t give away its spot

DS9 won’t give away its spot

It might have been Terok Nor

But it isn’t anymore

So we are not giving away our spot

We’re gonna rise up, if they take our spot

We’re  gonna rise up, if they take our spot

We’re gonna

Rise up rise up

[SISKO: Never take our spot!]

Rise up rise up

[ALL: Never take our spot!]

Our spot! Our spot!

Never take our spot!

Never take our spot!

And we are not giving away our

Not giving away our

Spot!

The Ten Pie Commandments #Hamilpie (Happy Pi Day!)

 

The Ten Pie Commandments

[BURR/HAMILTON/LAURENS/LEE]
It’s the Ten Pie Commandments

[FULL COMPANY]
It’s the Ten Pie Commandments
Number one!

[LAURENS]
The challenge: demand satisfaction
If they give you a pie, no need for further action

[COMPANY]
Number two!

[LAURENS]
If they don’t, grab some dough, that’s your second

[HAMILTON]
You knew you had to make some when the call of pie beckoned

[COMPANY]
Number three!

[LEE]
Roll your dough with parchment in place

[BURR]
Negotiate the pan

[HAMILTON]
You’ve got to make sure it fills the space

[BURR]
Stretch is commonplace, ‘specially with large fruits

[COMPANY]
Most pies contain these attributes
Number four!

[LAURENS]
If it doesn’t cook through, that’s alright
Just watch for salmonella with a doctor on site

[HAMILTON]
He looks at you askance, you double bake it with agility

[BURR]
You know a poison pie can lead to excess liability

[COMPANY]
Five!

[LEE]
Cool dough works the best to make a pie

[COMPANY]
But pick a place to bake where it’s hot and dry
Number six!

[HAMILTON]
Leave a recipe for your next of kin
Tell ‘em where you been. Pray that pastry school lets you in

[COMPANY]
Seven!

[LEE]
Vent your crust. This is the moment of trust when your lattice has its moment

[COMPANY]
Number eight!

[LAURENS/LEE/HAMILTON/BURR]
Your last chance to egg wash your plate
Send in your tasters, see if they can get the moisture straight…

[BURR]
Alexander

[HAMILTON]
Aaron Burr, sir

[BURR]
Can we agree that pies are wise for epicures?

[HAMILTON]
Sure
But your pie has to answer for its curds, Burr

[BURR]
Pumpkin pie? The filling should be stirred, sir

[HAMILTON]
Hang on, how many pies burned ‘cause Sara Lee was poorly made and ruinous?

[BURR]
Okay, so we’re doin’ this

[COMPANY]
Number nine!

[HAMILTON]
Knife upon the pie, aim no higher
Summon all the courage you require
Then count

[MEN]
One two three four

[FULL COMPANY]
Five six seven eight nine

[HAMILTON/BURR]
Number

[COMPANY]
Ten pieces!

[HAMILTON/BURR]
Slice! 

HAMILPIE: The Track Listing

1. Alexander Hamilpie: "I'm a pieman in the rough, all shiny with Crisco, trying to reach my goal, my pie made of peach, unimpeachable"
2. The Pie-ler Sisters: "Look around, look around, how lucky we are our crust is golden brown"
3/4. Helpless/Satispied: "Look into your pies and the pie's got filling/Down for the count and I'm drowning in it"/ "I remember that pie, I just might regret that pie for the rest of my days"
5. Wait For It: "Pie doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it bakes and it bakes and it bakes, and we keep pieing anyway, pies rise and crust falls and it breaks and we eat our mistakes"
6. History Has Its Pies On You
7. Non-Stop: "The plan was to eat a total of 25 pies that were divided evenly among the three men. In the end, they ate 85 pies in the span of six months…John Jay got sick after eating five. James Madison ate 29. Hamilton ate. THE OTHER 51." "How do you eat like you're running out of pie?"
8. The Ten Pie Commandments
9. Say No To This (Pie)
10. One Last Pie: "And if we get this right/We're going to teach 'em how to bake a pie"
11. Burned
12. Best of Pies and Best of Women
13. Who Lives, Who Pies, Who Eats Your Pastry
Bonus Track: Caketown (The Cake Turned Upside Down)

Learn

Parody: "Burn" from Hamilton

It saves every paper they send me
From the moment I read them
I knew - it’s not yours
You said it was yours
It should have been yours

Do you know what the college dean said
When we saw your first paper arrive?
He said

“Be careful with that one, prof
He will cheat when he tries to survive”

Your copied words flooded my senses
It’s clear that you have no defenses
You have no idea what say your paragraphs
You couldn’t read, dull

I’m re-reading this paper you wrote me
I’m searching and scanning for answers
In every line
For some kind of sign
You thought I was blind
You just wouldn’t

Learn
Learn

You submitted the paper you bought, you
You told the whole world how you sought
A quick, easy way out
In seeking those grades, you have ruined your life

Do you know how the college dean scoffed,
Pitched it into the bin?
He said
“You are teaching an idiot
He does not understand Turn It In”

Another one’s words, a pretty poor legacy
Your real writing borders on senseless
And I am paranoid reading each paragraph
Where did you get those-

Words, words, words –

I’m erasing your name from my course’s list
Let future students of mine wonder how I knew it
And acted when you broke the rules
You are banished from my school
I am watching you
Learn
Watching you learn

A cheat has no right to his seat
You can’t succeed and plagiarize
I’m calling you out on your lies
You’re learning the consequence
No second chances, it couldn’t redeem you
You forfeit your possible mark
You forfeit all rights to my class
I’m tossing you out on your ass
With only the quiet plea-
Please use your own mind-

I hope that you
Learn

Satisfied (#HamilTrek)

#HamilTrek

Parody: "Satisfied" from Hamilton (Lin-Manuel Miranda)
Inspired by: Watching the entirety of Star Trek: TOS in approximately one month

UHURA: All right, all right! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Now everybody give it up for the best first officer in the fleet, Mr. Spock!

SPOCK:

To Kirk and McCoy! (BRIDGE CREW: McCoy!)

To your pride             (BRIDGE CREW: To our pride!)

To your mission         (BRIDGE CREW: Five years in all)

To seek new life far and wide

To your nation                                     (BRIDGE CREW: To elation! To the Federation!)

And the strength to be allied              (BC: Be allied, be allied)

May you always

Be satisfied

Rewind…

Computer,

Rewind… (COMPUTER: Affirmative)

I remember that night

I just might regret that night

But that's a human phrase

I remember those Starfleet boys

Tripping over themselves to win our praise

I remember that moment on the edge

Of forever and an eyebrow raise

But James Tiberius, I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face

I have never been the same

Warm, impish brown eyes in a green-tunic’d frame

And when you said hi I felt friendship and shame

Set my heart aflame, like Pon Farr aflame

This is not a game

KIRK: You strike me as a Vulcan who has never been satisfied

SPOCK: Captain, I don’t know what you mean. That’s a human term.

KIRK: You’re like me, I’m never satisfied.

SPOCK: Is that right?

KIRK: Boldly gone but not satisfied.

SPOCK: My real name…you couldn’t pronounce it.

KIRK: James Tiberius Kirk is, um…

SPOCK: Where’s your accent from?

KIRK: Unimportant, there’s a million beings I haven’t done

Just you wait, just you wait

SPOCK: So so so

So this is what it feels like to match wits

With an equal - now I’m torn! Is there a Gorn? What’s the catch? It’s

A transporter beam turning you into light

It’s a Zefram Cochrane warp engine flight,

You see it, right?

The conversation was exactly twelve seconds, three minutes

Everything we said in total agreement, it’s

A dream fall from a neck-pinching stance,

It’s a Tholian Web, a woven intricate dance. He’s a

Bit of a flirt, but I’m ‘a give it a chance

I asked why he was shirtless, did you see his answer?

His hand on his phaser while he looked askance?

He’s bluffing like he’s got some Corbomite in his pants

Handsome, boy does he know it

Soft hair, like a Tribble would grow it

I wanna warp light years away from this place

Then I turn and see the doctor’s face and he is

MCCOY: Hypo-less

SPOCK: And I know, he is

MCCOY: Hypo-less

SPOCK: His blue eyes are just

MCCOY: Hypo-less

SPOCK and BRIDGE CREW: And I realize

Three logic’lly sound truths at the exact same time

KIRK: Where are you taking me?

SPOCK: I’m about to change your life, Captain.

KIRK: Then by all means, lead the way.

MAJEL BARRETT: Number One!

SPOCK:

Human world, Vulcan nerves: a gift

Is a benefit, an internal rift

Starfleet’s just got the one, so I’m the son

Who needs to never seem undone

So I’m the calmest and the snarkiest and my hallmark’s

To embark on this Star Trek quest

And Kirk is earmarked for ears with less

Ha! I’m still checkmated in this game of chess

MCCOY: Leonard McCoy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

KIRK: McCoy?

SPOCK: Ship’s doctor.

SCOTTY: Number Two!

SPOCK: He’s after me cause I’m a Vulcan prince

That elevates his status I’d

Be naïve not to keep Sarek in mind

Maybe that is why

I introduce him to McCoy, now he’s by his side

Nice going Spock, Captain Jim Kirk was right

You will never be satisfied

MCCOY: Thank you for all your service.

KIRK: If it takes getting slashed in the chest for us to meet, it will have been worth it.

SPOCK: I’ll leave you to your human conversation.

SULU: Number Three!

SPOCK:

I know McCoy, I’ve melded with his own mind

You will never find

Anyone less logical, more kind

If I tell him that I love Jim he’d decidedly resign

He’d be mine

He would drawl, it’s fiiiine

He’d be lying

But in the endless night of space

It’s my commander’s eyes

Out on the Enterprise

What might have been if I hadn’t sized

Him up with logic?

At least on the bridge I mask the strife

At least I keep my post in his life

To Jim Kirk!

To his guide!

From your Science

Officer too dignified…

To emotion

You can share what I deride

May you always

Be satisfied

And I know

I have self-disqualified

Kobayashi Maru-

It can never be satisfied

I will never be satisfied