I heard there were some useless words
That make sure that your point’s deferred
But you just care about your page count defray
It goes like this: five paragraphs
Repeat yourself for almost half
The baffled student makes a horrid essay
Horrid essay (x4)
Your introduction should be new
You just say what you’re going to do
Without the sense you’ll ever do it someday
“This essay will” makes teachers gag
Your wheels spin and our spirits flag
Your pen wags as you start your horrid essay
Horrid essay (x4)
Student, I’ve been here before
These words won’t ever help your score
“Society” kicks off a florid mess, hey
Beware Thesaurus: dinosaur
That fossilizes evermore
Your literally very unique essay
Horrid essay (x4)
The point you want to make is that
You’ve got some point to knock us flat
You pass this baton like you’ve run a relay
The margins wide, the font thirteen
“My meaning is” – your meaning’s mean
Poor and obscene, these phrases in your essay
Horrid essay (x4)
We eagerly await your proof
And yet it still remains aloof
Citations and close readings at a delay
Let’s misquote wildly just for show
Whose words these are, don’t think you know
You’re blowing smoke into your horrid essay
Horrid essay (x4)
Maybe God or sheer confusion
Will save this poor unclear conclusion
“As mentioned earlier,” now let’s regress, eh
Rerun your thesis, teacher sighs
At least you didn’t plagiarize
While padding out this truly horrid essay
Horrid essay (x4)
