Next To Buffy

 

(The original song)

 

This came to me in a dream last night. I was talking about Buffy, as I am wont to do, with my fiance, and then I decided to sing the opening number of one of my favourite musicals, Next To Normal, in the shower. My brain mixed the two in my sleep. The shocking bit is how well the two fit together, in terms of people feeling lost, possessed by forces beyond their control, and filled with existential despair. Here are the original lyrics to the opening of Next To Normal, "Just Another Day."

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Giles:

We’re the perfect group of Scoobies, so adoring

And we research every day of every week

So the boy’s sometimes a shit, they think I’m boring,

And the redhead, though a genius, is a freak

Still I help them and I pander

Anya, Buffy, Willow, Xander

Slayer clique

(Spike sneaks in)

Giles:

Spike, it’s four in the morning. What are you doing here?

Spike:

I’m a vampire, you git. It’s my afternoon.

Giles:

Fair enough. Ask a stupid question. It’s just for exposition’s sake.

Spike:

And why are you awake, old man? You need to slow down. I’m off to have sex with your slayer.

Giles: (cleans glasses)

Wonderful, thanks, I’m so glad I know that.

Spike:

So at times like these I wonder when he’ll stake it

How a creature wants a slayer like I do

Do we love each other or do we just fake it

And do other vampires feel like I feel too

I’m undead but feel like dying

And I’m trying not to be insane as Dru

Buffy:

For just another day, for another stolen hour

When the world will feel my power and I’ll slay

It’s just another day

Spike:

Feeling like I’ll live forever

Buffy:

Will this lack of feeling ever go away?

Both:

For just another day

Willow:

When it's up to you to hold your friends together
Relationships take patience and take care
But you're at the end of magic’s tempting tether
And you're living with a spell and Gaia’s prayer

Willow and Xander:

Can you keep the world from tipping

While you slip in supernatural despair?

For just another day

Anya Cameo!:

When the hoppy bunnies scurry

And you want to clear the furry things away

All:

For just another day

Giles:

I will keep the world from burning

Xander:

I’m a demon magnet and my best friend’s gay

Buffy:

Cause what kills me might not really kill me,

So raise me up for just another day

Spike:

It hurts because I can’t breathe

Willow:

It only hurts when I lie

Giles:

It only hurts when I think

Buffy:

It only hurts when I die

Xander

It only hurts when I work

Willow

It only hurts when I flay

Angel (popping in for one second):

It only hurts when I lurk

All:

It only hurts when I say

It’s just another day

Giles

An apocalyptic day

All:

When the morning sun is showing

Willow:

I will hold myself together

Spike

And you turn to dust if you don’t run away

Giles:
I will watch another day

All:
It's just another day

Buffy:
I will survive another day

Xander:
We’re all singing, vamps are falling

Giles:
And I hope I’m not standing in the way

All:
And you wish you would be gone
But you'll stay
You'll stay

Buffy:
For the Scoobies’ sake

All:
For you know it's now or never

Buffy:
I'll stake what I can stake

All
And so many gone forever

Spike (to Buffy):
Stay

Buffy:
I'm only just awake
Every day is just another and another and another
I will hold it all together
We're the perfect chosen family
If they say we're not then fuck 'em
The perfect chosen family
I will keep the world from burning
‘Cause the world must keep on turning

(spoken)
Buffy
I think Sunnydale’s burning.

Arya's Got A Little List

My intro post promised a Gilbert and Sullivan/Game of Thrones parody, so here it is. We all know that Arya Stark, much like Koko the executioner from The Mikado, has got a little list of people she could kill. I thought I'd might as well mash them up. Here are the original lyrics, and here are the new ones. How many references can you get? (I posted this to MetaFilter in March.)

(Arya:)

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There’s the kid who killed my direwolf and later on, my dad
I’d just remove his sniveling face and tell my sis, too bad —
Ruthless disfigured murderers who kidnap, fight and Hound —
I’d truss him up while sleeping and I’d take him to the pound —
And torturers who gnaw your bowels the second you resist —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

(Chorus:)
She's got 'em on the list — she's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.

(Arya:)
There’s the man who captures children and then hits them in the face
Falling, watch his body twist — I've got him on the list!

And the manticore who kills the crow ‘fore he can fly this place,
He’d "bear" it, I insist — he never would be missed!
The man who heaps abuses from his lips festooned with boils
For missteps like a single look in midst of endless toil
And the Mountain who rides like a man, the biggest, cruelest guy,
We’ll see how big he’s feeling when his time has come to die
And to Polliver who took my sword, that damned recidivist—
I don't think he'd be missed — I'm sure he'd not he missed!

(Chorus:)
She's got him on the list — she's got him on the list;
And I don't think he'll be missed — I'm sure he'll not be missed!

(Arya:)
And that gloomy Ilyn Payne, the executioner absurd,
The speechless humorist — I've got him on the list!
My father’s sword, Valyrian steel – he won’t have the last word
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.
That wretched drunkard queen who plots to ruin all our lives,

She’ll learn that brothers shouldn’t want their sisters for their wives
The rats who when the tables turn begin to run and cry

Who cares how this rendition ends because all men must die
So it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For it’s valar dohaeris — and valar morghulis!

(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!

Parodies Sound: A Song Parody Blog

My name is Ilana, and I am a song parody addict. I write song parodies instead of doing any number of useful things. Some of them smash two cultural icons together (Gilbert and Sullivan meet Game of Thrones), and some are just odd. Some may require explanation or some may have a niche audience (musical theatre fans, Buffy fans, Princeton grads, Type 1 diabetics - hopefully not all of these at the same time). I've been writing so many for so long that I'm afraid I'm going to lose them all, so I put this blog up to give them a place to go, and maybe to entertain others.

You've been warned.

-Ilana