My intro post promised a Gilbert and Sullivan/Game of Thrones parody, so here it is. We all know that Arya Stark, much like Koko the executioner from The Mikado, has got a little list of people she could kill. I thought I'd might as well mash them up. Here are the original lyrics, and here are the new ones. How many references can you get? (I posted this to MetaFilter in March.)
(Arya:)
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There’s the kid who killed my direwolf and later on, my dad
I’d just remove his sniveling face and tell my sis, too bad —
Ruthless disfigured murderers who kidnap, fight and Hound —
I’d truss him up while sleeping and I’d take him to the pound —
And torturers who gnaw your bowels the second you resist —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!
(Chorus:)
She's got 'em on the list — she's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.
(Arya:)
There’s the man who captures children and then hits them in the face
Falling, watch his body twist — I've got him on the list!
I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There’s the kid who killed my direwolf and later on, my dad
I’d just remove his sniveling face and tell my sis, too bad —
Ruthless disfigured murderers who kidnap, fight and Hound —
I’d truss him up while sleeping and I’d take him to the pound —
And torturers who gnaw your bowels the second you resist —
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!
(Chorus:)
She's got 'em on the list — she's got 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.
(Arya:)
There’s the man who captures children and then hits them in the face
Falling, watch his body twist — I've got him on the list!
And the manticore who kills the crow ‘fore he can fly this
place,
He’d "bear" it, I insist — he never would be missed!
The man who heaps abuses from his lips festooned with boils
For missteps like a single look in midst of endless toil
And the Mountain who rides like a man, the biggest, cruelest guy,
We’ll see how big he’s feeling when his time has come to die
And to Polliver who took my sword, that damned recidivist—
I don't think he'd be missed — I'm sure he'd not he missed!
(Chorus:)
She's got him on the list — she's got him on the list;
And I don't think he'll be missed — I'm sure he'll not be missed!
(Arya:)
And that gloomy Ilyn Payne, the executioner absurd,
The speechless humorist — I've got him on the list!
My father’s sword, Valyrian steel – he won’t have the last word
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.
That wretched drunkard queen who plots to ruin all our lives,
He’d "bear" it, I insist — he never would be missed!
The man who heaps abuses from his lips festooned with boils
For missteps like a single look in midst of endless toil
And the Mountain who rides like a man, the biggest, cruelest guy,
We’ll see how big he’s feeling when his time has come to die
And to Polliver who took my sword, that damned recidivist—
I don't think he'd be missed — I'm sure he'd not he missed!
(Chorus:)
She's got him on the list — she's got him on the list;
And I don't think he'll be missed — I'm sure he'll not be missed!
(Arya:)
And that gloomy Ilyn Payne, the executioner absurd,
The speechless humorist — I've got him on the list!
My father’s sword, Valyrian steel – he won’t have the last word
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.
That wretched drunkard queen who plots to ruin all our lives,
She’ll learn that brothers shouldn’t want their sisters for
their wives
The rats who when the tables turn begin to run and cry
The rats who when the tables turn begin to run and cry
Who cares how this rendition ends because all men must die
So it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For it’s valar dohaeris — and valar morghulis!
(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!
So it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For it’s valar dohaeris — and valar morghulis!
(Chorus:)
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!
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